DESPERATE MEASURES

I, Jesuslyn Osorohemaa  Arthur  Gyamfi, a  final year BSc. Building and Painting student of KNUST do enact for myself these resolutions for the year 2011.  I can’t agree much with the president of Ghana that this year is an action year. I have watched in vain as all the goodies that university life offers have eluded me all these years.  However this year will not pass me by.

  1. EDUCATION – I have just one semester left and my CWA is nothing to write home about.  I am in the danger zone.  Just like an object in unstable equilibrium, a small tilt will push me over.  The library will be my sleeping place this semester.  I will join almost every study group in my class.  Aha! That fresh TA who smiles at me a lot; I must start smiling back at him.  Maybe I might get some few …… you know what I mean, right?
  2. RELIGION – yes! This is it.   Paa Joe, here I come.  Every night of my remaining days on campus, my voice must be heard on the land of Paa Joe.  I will also tarry a bit longer and travail.  I will excavate my grabbing opportunities that have been buried by the devil and his junior colleagues.  I will reclaim my academic brain that home devils have hanged on a mahogany tree.  I will reclaim my beautiful face that evil spirits have ridden with pimples of different shapes, sizes and colours.
  3. FINANCES – since I stopped selling pure water in my room, my financial strength has dwindled.  This action year however, I must be a hunter, but not a cat hunter.  After reclaiming my brains from that mahogany tree, I must use it to siphon cash from some of these shallow minded TECH boys.   How will I even go about that?  Ok, all my ‘kusekuse’ is in my head.  Maybe if I tell you, some of you might start drawing new strategies.
  4. DRESSING – I shake off my old mentality of dressing this year.  All the ‘parachutes’, the ‘pillow cases’ and the gowns are all gone with 2010. 2011 is my year.  I need to get more sexy and hot dresses.  Aha! That dress Akosua’s boyfriend bought for her last semester is very nice.  I think I should get some of those.  That way I can also show these guys that I am also a woman who can be dated.  I need to send all those skirts to that stone-faced seamstress so she can reduce the length for me.  If Uncle Atta will not reduce petrol prices, as for me I will be magnanimous to reduce the length of my skirts to make visibility clearer.  I can now also show my sexy legs.  Eish!  I have forgotten I have twelve terrible scars on my legs from my early days as an amateur footballer.  Anyway I will still wear them at night.  No yawa!  As those from St. Augustine College will say, “Action Nkotee”.  I will kill those boys in my class this semester.  They must notice me too.
  5. GRABBING – I promise my mum that I will not come home with just a degree.  I promised her to come back with a nice gentleman who will be her son-in-law.  This dream of mine is gradually fizzling out.  I will not however give up.  Even Dr. Edward Mahama has not given up his dreams of sleeping in the Osu Castle.  I will hug almost every guy I see around.  This time, I will not discriminate.  First year or final year, it is just a case of numbers.  I will make sure to practice how to smile in the mirror every morning before I go out.  How do I even get them to like me?  Ok, I will change my date of birth and organize an early drink-up to commemorate my new birthday.  That way I can get them coming to my room.  I will attend every single program on campus.  I will even join those boys in Katanga to charge on Friday.  Perhaps I might find a good guy there.  Ok I need to put my number on facebook as well.

With all this strategies in place, I will not leave school a desperate lady.  Not at all.  Tafiakwa!!   I denounce grablessness.  It shall not be my portion.  Guys, watch out for me JESUSLYN OSOROHEMAA ARTHUR GYAMFI.

Courage Ahiati

Courageislove@gmail.com

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