KNUST SRC YUTONG BUS.
Mr. Philemon Laar, I salute you and welcome you to this Yutoung bus of ours. I heard you are the new driver and that you promise to give us a wonderful ride. That’s nice to hear. Unfortunately, I will alight at the next junction so I will not be on board to see what you have up your sleeves. However, as one of the loudest passengers on board this Yutoung bus for four years now, I think I must bring some issues to your notice before I alight. I hope you will take them in good fate.
We have had many drivers before you took up the steering wheel. At least I experienced the longest serving driver of this Yutoung bus, Sharkstone. Efogah Hoetu and Wofa Sekyere Oppong all drove this vehicle. Before you took over, Alhaji Oduro Amoah was the driver, together with Magadjia Abrafi Kotor as his able conductor. As to if all these people drove well and left our Yutoung bus in good condition is to be dealt with another time. They all did what was supposedly their best to give us a smooth and enjoyable ride to our destination. As someone who has been on this trip for four years, I think I need to give you a brief history of every bus stop an make some few comments since I will not be privileged for the fifth time.
When you put the key into the ignition hole and turn it, our first stop will be the CONSTITUTION bus stop. Over here, there are a lot of deep pot holes just before the bus stop. At the bus stop itself, there are a lot of ignorant loud-mouths and self-seeking people there. The constitution that this bus derives it work permits from is sick. People have made their selfish and irrational interests take precedence over the supremacy of the constitution. People have made rulings that have caused much chaos on the bus. Elections this year campus-wide may be described as chaotic thanks to a ruling by our so-called competent judicial committee. Honourable driver, please can you take up the task of calling for a complete and thorough review of our constitution if your powers may allow you? For this transport business to run well, the remaining passengers including you need good legal documents. I hope the one you have appointed to be the head of the Judicial Committee is not another havoc wrecker. Please I have not insulted any one. I am only a noisy passenger.
Your next stop will be SRC HOSTEL bus stop. With this particular bus stop, there are a lot of issues here. The way you behave at this bus stop will determine if you will end your term as a good driver or a corrupt and shameless one. Last year, the practise of selling hostel forms for One cedi to the student populace was introduced by Alhaji Oduro. As to why that idea was devised I don’t know. But to me and other old men who have been on this bus for long, we think it was sheer robbery or exploitation. As to why we describe it so, just have a deep introspection and judge yourself if it is right to sell photocopied form which cost just 5pessewas to people who own a hostel and who have just 50% chance of even enjoying the fruits of their labour. Whose pocket will those monies end up? Is it a way to raise funds to appease your foot soldiers? Mr Driver, eyes are watching. Do the right thing. I hope you will charge a reasonable rent considering the fact that students own and finance that facility themselves. Your mind for dey!!!!!!
Yet another troublesome bus stop is the FOCUS FM station. This is one station which I admire so much. Anytime our Yutoung bus gets here, I see a huge asset, I see potentials, and I see a powerful instrument that is been under-utilised. I heard you were once selling coins at this station. Is that true? If it is, then I need not say more. Passengers pay millions of Ghana currency into Focus Fm accounts and I know most workers there are not paid, so where do those monies go and what are they used for? Brother Laar, please do something about this situation. We have an asset that can be churned into a powerful melting pot and source of revenue. As a former coins seller I think you understand the issues that I am fingering and will take prudent and calculated steps that will move our only radio station to its rightful place.
There are many other junctions and bus stops that you will halt to pick and offload passengers. Each stop is unique in its own sense. The way you will be able to harness the challenges of all these stops, the way you will dodge potholes and obey speed limits will go a long way to help the passengers and yourself.
There are many things I wish to tell you but it seems we are almost at the GRADUATION junction and I must get down, so let me now zip my lips and get ready to alight. You are lucky that loud-mouth like me, Alhaji Zuma (nearly SRC president) and other colleagues are alighting. However, more noisy passengers will get on board, so prepare to accommodate the noise. If you put ear plugs on, you will end up killing yourself and all the passengers on board. Let me gladden your heart a bit. Do you know that drivers are not usually handsome? They are normally pot-bellied people with faces as hard as Suame Magazine sledge hammer. You happen to be a different driver with some attractive features. Please do not use that as a weapon of women destruction. We know drivers have wives and concubines at every bus stop but please, be chaste. I have information that you have a nice ‘jolly-jolly’ in the ‘Cock kingdom’. Stick to her and don’t look at other ladies at all. Don’t pocket the lorry fares you take and use it for your personal pool parties. The fares are for the maintenance of our nice Yutong bus, not for you and your ‘aplankey’
As much as possible, treat all the passengers with respect and be humble. Please, some of us have wives and girlfriends on board the bus, so treat them with care and respect. I hope you have made appointments that will not disappoint. I hope your Electoral Commissioner will not try to challenge Jesus Christ by organising elections for 30,000 people with 2000 ballot papers. I hope your PRO will not be someone who only takes cobwebs from SRC noticeboards and knows nothing about public relations. Please let him know that he is not a propaganda Secretary. Brother Philemon, do you remember how some people did not want you to become the driver just because of where you come from? I do not want to glorify their idiocy but remember that they are still lurking around to see your downfall, so be as gentle as the dove but as smart as the serpent.
You can decide to take my long and complicated advice. You can call it nagging or the noisy words of an andropause ridden passenger, but don’t forget that after you are done with driving here, you will come out to drive and some of us might be owners of big transport companies and better Yutong and Metong buses. Let me leave you with these very dangerous sayings that ‘if you live in a glass house, do not walk about naked’. Also if you have cotton in your anus, do not attempt jumping over fire. Please I will alight here. See you up there.
Courage, the noisy passenger on board the KNUST SRC YUTONG BUS.