This is your one and only true and unadulterated love writing to you from my current position in the cat farm of Goviefe. You remember in my previous letter, I told you about the divine task bestowed on me to get a number of cat heads? I accomplished that one in record time. So I am now the crown prince of Goviefe. Do not forget to address me as such from now on. Such positions are hard to come by nowadays.
By the way, how is life in Obimanso? I told you to parcel a piece of snow and send it to me as my birthday gift. I hope you will not disappoint me. For the weeks and months that you have not heard from me, I was busily enjoying the daily dramas of Goviefe and its surrounding villages.
I hope you heard about the petition that went on for eight full moons. I mean the elephant and umbrella petition. All these guys had high hopes of winning the petition. Bosu Kena, the umbrella carrier was of the view that he won the election fairly. On the other side, Nana Short, the tall elephant rider had the mind-set that Bosu Kena together with his own former roommate the other Gyan, not the hopes killer, stole the elections. At the end of it all, humpty dumpty had a great fall. For me however, it was not the long technical terms and arguments that got my attention. It was rather the little little WOW moments and the CUTTING TO REAL SIZES of the Johns and Bigas. The “Erection petition”, as my people over here call it also brought the only serious lawyer my people spent our stool money to educate in Obimanso home. He made an amicus curia appearance in a typical cat accent and all the other small small lawyers bowed in outmost respect with lines of ridicule and disgust.
Now, the elephant people are having hot arguments over who will ride the elephant now. Many of their leaders think Nana Ababio should go again. The cash man with the reserve player mentality I am sure is cursing them silently. For the umbrella family, they are still in partying mood, praying silently that no one, not even that loud mouth junior of Jesus pours sand in their gari.
Eish, I forgot to tell you about my bearded-mentor Dr.Oko the name changer. The whole Goviefe woke up one morning and realised a total change of names of all our important institutions. Amazingly, he named everything after Atta the saint, not the mortuary man o. Since we are in the season of SIZE-CUTTING, he was also cut down to his real size, only that his beard was not touched or torched.
Then before the name changing shock could end, came the edited speech of Hammah the victorious deputy oga for communication. As usual, those saboteurs who never come out to defend themselves were blamed. Did I tell you I have a soft spot for her? No fears okay. You still occupy the number one spot, in fact the softest and sweetest part. Such an asset should be sent to the Ministry of health and be put to good use there. I bet you, our male doctors will never go on strike again.
Ohhhhhhhh… guess what just happened. The people whose motto is DE-LIGHTING OUR CUSTOMERS just de-lighted me. I don’t blame them. If only comrade Anyidoho was still around, heads and necks will be rolling by now. They should just wait. When I finally ascend the throne and no one accuses me of influencing an erection petition, I will deal with them well well.
My GYEEDA infested and ECG powered rLG computer is going off, so I will end this logoligi letter here. By the way, you are invited to my humble meal, a mixture of Keta fried cats (KFC) and some SADDA akonfem. After I am done devouring them, I will gulp down a glass of sobolo, lie in my akpasa and belch loudly and scream : EDEY BE KERKER. I await your response and your own account of tales unfolding in Obimanso.
Your One and Only Lover
Heir to the Throne of Goviefe
Senior Operations Officer at ECG
Assistant Messenger at GYEEDA
Marketing Officer at SADDA.