Honourable (As you people prefer to be addressed),
Over the weekend I heard you were in the news and decided to check what was making you so popular. I heard you suggested that the jersey to be used by the Black Stars, at the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil should have an ’embossment’ of President John Dramani Mahama’s picture in order to showcase “the first symbol of this country”. When I heard what you said, I was in total awe of you. I was forced to think that it’s just the mischievous media who want to drag your immaculate white shirt in the Korle lagoon . However if you really said that then we have very wise people in our parliament. No wonder our country gained a middle-income status with the spark of light.
My simple reason for writing this letter is to congratulate you on bringing out such an excellent idea and to even suggest equivalent ideas to you. Since you will be very busy dashing out so many wise and instructive ideas for the progress of Ghana, I will keep this one very short. Truth be told, after reading your statement, I am still standing, not because I have no chair to sit on, but I just want to give you a perpetual standing ovation. King Solomon in all his wisdom would not have come out with this. You should be made the Minister of creative ideas. Don’t you think so?
More so, I think we should not just link your very smart idea of symbolism to just the black stars. It should trickle down to the lowest building block of the society. In line with that, will it not be prudent if your wife and children all have your pictures embossed on their dresses. It will be equally good if the prostitutes who ply their trade in your constituency display you pictures on their panties and bras. After all, they will be projecting the most important symbol of their constituency. We should get the president’s face on all prison uniforms and public toilets . And don’t you think, wherever there are deep potholes or bad stretch of roads, we should put signposts there with a picture if the president and the words “DANGER IS HERE , DRIVE CAREFULLY” there?
Honourable (Even Brutus was an honourable man), I want to give you some equally wise tips that will really help you if you heed to them. Next time you take the meagre salary we pay our MPs in this part of the world, kindly take a trip to God’s own country where Ghanaian politicians love to go. Locate the river Jordan and dip yourself in it seven times in Naaman still. I heard river Jordan now cures leprosy of the brain. If you test it and it really works, you could initiate a nationwide project and I bet you, the seat of the president will be yours soon. When coming back from your trip, kindly pass through China and get John Mahama embossed lingerie for your wife. And anytime you are ready to take off those lingerie as a soldier of the bedroom, and the picture of the president catches your eyes, just whisper these words: “Bossu Kena, you are the boss of this territory I am about to enter and I do it in your name”. Your wife will even love you the more.
Verily verily I tell you, if you are able to do all these, the seat of the president should be yours soon with such thought-provoking ideas in your head. I must surely recommend you for a national award; Order of the Vulture for the most thoughtful suggestion of the year. My regards to your colleagues. You will hear from me soon.