Category Archives: POLITICAL SATTIRE

Why things are the way they are

One day a young deer went to its mum with a mind-boggling question. It asked, “mum, why   is the animal kingdom   like this? Why   is there such high level of impunity? Why is no one accountable in this kingdom? Why is there so much lawlessness? Why are we attacked and killed almost every day and   no one speaks for us or protects   us? Mother deer heaved deeply, pulled her son close and said, “Son, it is a sad situation. Let me tell you a long story. I am sure it will give you a clearer picture of why we are where we are. Continue reading Why things are the way they are

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Celebrating a Weakened Manhood?

Papa Kofi Ghana is 56years old today. Regrettably, he is in mid-life crisis. He has a weakened manhood and only frustrates his numerous wives. He usually leaves them in the middle of nowhere. It is a real worry for them and they have employed different strategies to remedy this very unfortunate situation. Some of them spend most of their time in churches praying fervently for their dear husband, with the usual chorus “Awurade, ma no nsore” (God, let it rise). Continue reading Celebrating a Weakened Manhood?

WHEN OUR MPs SET ‘GOOD’ EXAMPLES

The president of the nation is billed to deliver   the State of the nation address.  A colleague who is undertaking his national service as a Government teacher in a Senior High School in the Central region decides to give his students a real picture of the things he has been teaching them.  He arranges for them to watch the state of the nation address live on a large screen.  After the whole ceremony, he gives them an assignment.

Assignment

What is your general observation of the state of the nation address?

Below are some of the responses the teacher received from his students.

Student  A :

This is my first time of watching such a program.  I would say it was generally okay.   I however had a little difficulty   catching all the words of the president due to the excessive noise in the house.  Next, time there is such an important   event,  I wish there would be a little decorum so that those of us watching on TV  can enjoy  the program as well.

Student B:

After the whole program, I think my class which is tagged as the most notorious class in our school is more disciplined than some or most of our MPs.   The fact that the speaker was screaming ‘ORDER’ on top of her voice and no one would listen portrays a gross level of disrespect for authority inside the law-making house.

Student C:

I am more than motivated to become a member of parliament.  I can’t wait to get there and be singing ‘woyome woyome’   on top of my voice.  I first thought Parliament was all about law and legal arguments.  That discouraged me earlier.  Now that I know I can exhibit my singing and ‘jama-leading’ talent without anyone stopping me, PARLIAMENT OF GHANA, here I come.

Student  D:

I learnt a lot from  the event.   I learnt all the a state of the nation address is about.   I also learnt that our ‘honourable’  MPs  are not always honourable.

Student  E:

It was generally a nice program packed with many funny moments.  I had wanted to make a detailed analysis of the president’s speech but I must confess that I was distracted several times by the noise-making in the house.  At least, I learnt a few things about the workings of parliament.   A little discipline on the part of our MPs will help us next time.

 

These are the individual observations of students of Government of a national event held in   the Parliament house of a country touted by many pundits as the first-born of democracy in Africa.  If these observations of Senior High school students are true reflections of what went on,   then a lot needs to be done in terms of general conduct of our MPs and other public officials especially at events of this nature which are normally broadcasted to the whole world.

THE FONKAR GAMES

THE FONKAR GAMES.

….hunger for power or protection of Heirloom?

Being prepared for the worst is always one thing.  Confronting its stark actualisation is another.  There is a point at which the mind threatens to fold up, succumbing to its own destructive power of evocation – Wole Soyinka

JULY 8, 2011 will go down into the annals of Ghanaian politics.   The ruling National Democratic congress goes to congress on that fateful day to elect the one who will carry their flag and lead them into the 2012 political battle in Ghana.  A cursory look with a political eye at the NDC shows  that it  is going through some turbulent times since it took over the reigns of government.   However the upcoming congress is more like the final arbiter   in all the recent occurrences in that political party. Like most human institutions, the party seems to be going through a revolution.  A revolution where the myth and power preponderance  of the founder, Jerry John Rawlings is at stake.  A revolution where the very future of the party is at stake.  A revolution which can affect the political landscape of our dear country.  

In this great political drama, which’s rehearsal we have witnessed for weeks now are four main characters; the founder Flt Lt.  Jerry John Rawlings, Prof John Atta Mills, Nana Konadu Agyemang Rawlings and the delegates of the party.  Minor characters are mostly the foot soldiers and the presence of two pressure groups within the party.  A certain FONKAR and a certain GAME.   Prior to this great drama, new words, phrases and others have come up.   ‘YUTONG BUS, GREEDY BASTARD, OLONKA, MTN’ and many others.

 

Jerry John Rawlings.

Until recently, he was to the NDC what an Ayatollah is to Iran.  He was so much adored and his presence so captivating.  He holds so much power and influence that he decides who occupies what position and at what time.   He made sure Dr. Kwabena Adjei was chosen ahead of Dr. Obed Asamoah as chairman of the party.  He also made sure Prof. Atta Mills, who was relatively known then to become his running mate and subsequently flagbearer ahead of others like Gosie Tandoh and Prof. Kwesi Botchwey.  His every wish became law in the party.  He now supports his wife in her bid to become flagbearer of the party.  Will his magic work this time?  Why will he do that against someone who he handpicked, protected and openly campaigned for?  Is there something that outsiders of the party are not being told?  What will happen if his wife loses the contest?   Will that tilt the power preponderance in the party?  Will he support whoever is elected to lead the party?      Indications on the wall point to the fact that the myth around Jerry Rawlings is gradually being unveiled.  Is it a case of Delilah and Sampson?  Is he putting love ahead of every other thing?  We all live to see what becomes of this man who has become a phenomenal factor for this nation all these years.

 

Prof. John Evans Atta Mills.

This man seems to be the most battered in terms of political wrangling in recent times.  He goes into the NDC congress as the most preferred candidate.  Prior to his picking of forms, there was a rumour that he was going to shock the nation by not contesting.  Why did that not happen?  Almost all the stalwarts of the party who stood behind Jerry Rawlings are now solidly vouching for the Professor.  He is referred to as the Yutong bus driver.  Some said he is dozing on the seat.  Some also argue that he is the best driver for such a bus and at such a time.  He seems to be relaxed in all the tensed happenings.  What makes him so sure of victory?  Does he doubt the influence of the founder?  Will they ever come back when he wins the contest?   Is he the best candidate for the NDC going into the 2012 elections?   Whatever be it, will Atta Mills get endorsed?  Lets cross our arms and wait for July 8.

 

NANA KONADU AGYEMANG RAWLINGS.

She is making history as the first former first lady in Africa to contest the flagbearership of her party against a sitting president.   She encourages her supporters to be bold.  She is mostly present at almost every mega entertainment event in the country.  Has she seen something that Uncle Atta has not seen?   What makes her so confident that she can oust Atta Mills from the high thrones of the NDC?  If she is lucky enough to win the contest, will she be the best candidate the party can present to Ghanaians?   Is she capable of ruling Ghana?  Is Ghana even ready for a female president?  Is she trying to reclaim a family heirloom that they think they are loosing hold of?  Is there another intention behind her decision?  Will she be a good driver for their Yutong bus?

Whatever be it, the elections on July 8 hold a lot.  As for the delegates, you can never read their mind.  All of us will just have to wait, just like how I am sure Nana Addo (flagbearer of NPP) will follow every detail of that congress.   Whatever happens there will directly or indirectly affect the NPP, which is the largest opposition currently, so they will also be following with keen interest.  Will there be some defections to the NPP after the congress?  We wait to see.  Is there a likelihood of Jerry Rawlings ever leaving his party?  What did he mean by saying he will take his party back?

On July 8, the Jabulani ball will be placed on the spot once again.  This time, there will be no Asamoah Gyan to break the hearts of Ghanaians.  It is a political Jabulani.  The delegates of the NDC will be the kick- takers.   Who will carry the day?  Lets all troop to the Sunyani Political Stadium in our Yutong buses to witness this historic match.  One name that we must all watch out for is a certain MICHAEL TEYE NYAUNOR (MTN).     Let whatever happens there however help the growth of democracy in Ghana.

POLITICAL SCIENCE CLASS OF THE YEAR

POLITCAL STUDIES 2011 YEAR GROUP

….retrospection.

PART ONE

This class is undoubtedly one of the best classes that I found myself in.   it consisted of wonderful characters that will always make a writer’s pen ink eager to flow.  The class members and the lecturers alike make a wonderful family.   The first two years saw an over populated class like China, so everyone kept to himself until all the refugees and illegal immigrants were sieved out.  We however maintained some asylum seekers from the History class.   That was when the producer screamed ‘ACTION’ and the movie of life started.

The class was more like a country demarcated into very evident regions.  There was the frontline region of the perceived serious students who always hijacked any academic discussion in the class.  The regional minister was our fastest academic rapper in history.  I am sure she might have committed the whole Bible to memory by now.  She will readily beat rapper Sarkodie in any contest.   Due to some unknown ties with her, I will omit her name for now.  The likes of Prudence, Mama Tabitha, Salima, Agya Peter and Gyamponsa Peter.   We also had the dispersed region who only contributed in class when it comes to the issues of girls and other non-academic issues.  Over here Vondee is an authority and Usher Ray is an expert.     The backbench region was very much informed about issues relating to clubbing, girls and anything entertainment and fashion.  Talk of the likes of Ekow the toad, Burberry the silent killer, Hans Herbert and Black-Mo.  Then we had the ghost region where you will never see anyone of them contribute to any issue at all.   Gloria Papanko, Anita Newman and their compatriots form this region.

Who even said ‘power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’?   We were all in a political science class where Prudence Owusu, wife of the most romantic gentleman of the class played Mugabe on us.  She was the perpetual class president and imposed her whims and caprices on us.    We saw her grow from that fearful bookworm to that sexy student leader.  I never knew that she could exhibit that talent of a high school sexy girl who always wear skirts that make guys wonder what was next.  She was however one of the best that we had as a class.   If you don’t know, she was learning karate to enable her protect Vandyke from predators.

If the department was to go strictly by the regulations of the school, people like Usher Ray, Ogashie, Pinocchio (how many of you even know him), Black-Mo and Sefa Badu Mills will still be in first year.  Did the slim Kezia attend class more than them?   Aha, there was this time that Kezia and Ekow had to sit on one chair.  Even Satan would have told them it was wrong.   These people were so  allergic to class that their class attendance combined together amounted to just two semesters.    Pinocchio is on record for attending class for just one minute.   Right Honourable Vondee was the Shadow class president.   He presided over all the absentees.  Together with Usher Ray, they exhibited the talent of shifting cultivation where they run shift in relation to classes.  Usher Ray had the talent of mixing up the courses.  I just imagined what life would have been with him as our class rep.  He once said he was going for a PROBLEMS IN POLITICAL THEORY class.   Gosh!

In the contest for most handsome gentleman of the class, you will see people like Obese and Osibisa getting all the cat-calls.  Please I have not mentioned anyone’s name.   not forgetting  Bernard Quansah of blessed Negro memory.   Who wins the race?  As for me I can not sit in front of this my 1960 IBM computer and decide.

Hmmmmn! Please do not laugh.  One man who was always a mystery for the class was MR. the Boy Boyefio.  He was either ahead of the class or behind the class.   What most of us didn’t know was that anytime he was saying something that looked like he was thinking ahead; he was actually in a trance flying a plane.  His brain was always tuned to the speed of the plane and the noise that he hardly hears anything that goes on in class.  I remember the first time I sat so close to him in a computer class.  He picked his mouse and raised it into the air like the steering wheel of an airplane.  That’s MR. BOY for you.  Do you remember this:   PLEASE SIR, CAN YOU REPEAT WHAT YOU SAID?  WHEN YOU WERE TALKING I WAS BUSILY WRITING.

This is part one of the Kyeiwaa-like series that will be unfolding.   Watch out for the likes of Afia Nkotoweseza, Salima the doubted virgin, Agya Petel Salpong, Ato Kwamina, the grandson of Aya Koo and many more.  You can’t afford to miss.  Please like some  daft lecturer I know,I will not tolerate any threats…..hahahhaha.  if you think you have anything to say, drop it in the column created for comments, not on my phone line.  This is the work of an innocent writer.

OPEN LETTER TO THE NEW SRC PRESIDENT – KNUST

KNUST SRC YUTONG BUS.
Mr. Philemon Laar, I salute you and welcome you to this Yutoung bus of ours. I heard you are the new driver and that you promise to give us a wonderful ride. That’s nice to hear. Unfortunately, I will alight at the next junction so I will not be on board to see what you have up your sleeves. However, as one of the loudest passengers on board this Yutoung bus for four years now, I think I must bring some issues to your notice before I alight. I hope you will take them in good fate.
We have had many drivers before you took up the steering wheel. At least I experienced the longest serving driver of this Yutoung bus, Sharkstone. Efogah Hoetu and Wofa Sekyere Oppong all drove this vehicle. Before you took over, Alhaji Oduro Amoah was the driver, together with Magadjia Abrafi Kotor as his able conductor. As to if all these people drove well and left our Yutoung bus in good condition is to be dealt with another time. They all did what was supposedly their best to give us a smooth and enjoyable ride to our destination. As someone who has been on this trip for four years, I think I need to give you a brief history of every bus stop an make some few comments since I will not be privileged for the fifth time.
When you put the key into the ignition hole and turn it, our first stop will be the CONSTITUTION bus stop. Over here, there are a lot of deep pot holes just before the bus stop. At the bus stop itself, there are a lot of ignorant loud-mouths and self-seeking people there. The constitution that this bus derives it work permits from is sick. People have made their selfish and irrational interests take precedence over the supremacy of the constitution. People have made rulings that have caused much chaos on the bus. Elections this year campus-wide may be described as chaotic thanks to a ruling by our so-called competent judicial committee. Honourable driver, please can you take up the task of calling for a complete and thorough review of our constitution if your powers may allow you? For this transport business to run well, the remaining passengers including you need good legal documents. I hope the one you have appointed to be the head of the Judicial Committee is not another havoc wrecker. Please I have not insulted any one. I am only a noisy passenger.
Your next stop will be SRC HOSTEL bus stop. With this particular bus stop, there are a lot of issues here. The way you behave at this bus stop will determine if you will end your term as a good driver or a corrupt and shameless one. Last year, the practise of selling hostel forms for One cedi to the student populace was introduced by Alhaji Oduro. As to why that idea was devised I don’t know. But to me and other old men who have been on this bus for long, we think it was sheer robbery or exploitation. As to why we describe it so, just have a deep introspection and judge yourself if it is right to sell photocopied form which cost just 5pessewas to people who own a hostel and who have just 50% chance of even enjoying the fruits of their labour. Whose pocket will those monies end up? Is it a way to raise funds to appease your foot soldiers? Mr Driver, eyes are watching. Do the right thing. I hope you will charge a reasonable rent considering the fact that students own and finance that facility themselves. Your mind for dey!!!!!!
Yet another troublesome bus stop is the FOCUS FM station. This is one station which I admire so much. Anytime our Yutoung bus gets here, I see a huge asset, I see potentials, and I see a powerful instrument that is been under-utilised. I heard you were once selling coins at this station. Is that true? If it is, then I need not say more. Passengers pay millions of Ghana currency into Focus Fm accounts and I know most workers there are not paid, so where do those monies go and what are they used for? Brother Laar, please do something about this situation. We have an asset that can be churned into a powerful melting pot and source of revenue. As a former coins seller I think you understand the issues that I am fingering and will take prudent and calculated steps that will move our only radio station to its rightful place.
There are many other junctions and bus stops that you will halt to pick and offload passengers. Each stop is unique in its own sense. The way you will be able to harness the challenges of all these stops, the way you will dodge potholes and obey speed limits will go a long way to help the passengers and yourself.
There are many things I wish to tell you but it seems we are almost at the GRADUATION junction and I must get down, so let me now zip my lips and get ready to alight. You are lucky that loud-mouth like me, Alhaji Zuma (nearly SRC president) and other colleagues are alighting. However, more noisy passengers will get on board, so prepare to accommodate the noise. If you put ear plugs on, you will end up killing yourself and all the passengers on board. Let me gladden your heart a bit. Do you know that drivers are not usually handsome? They are normally pot-bellied people with faces as hard as Suame Magazine sledge hammer. You happen to be a different driver with some attractive features. Please do not use that as a weapon of women destruction. We know drivers have wives and concubines at every bus stop but please, be chaste. I have information that you have a nice ‘jolly-jolly’ in the ‘Cock kingdom’. Stick to her and don’t look at other ladies at all. Don’t pocket the lorry fares you take and use it for your personal pool parties. The fares are for the maintenance of our nice Yutong bus, not for you and your ‘aplankey’
As much as possible, treat all the passengers with respect and be humble. Please, some of us have wives and girlfriends on board the bus, so treat them with care and respect. I hope you have made appointments that will not disappoint. I hope your Electoral Commissioner will not try to challenge Jesus Christ by organising elections for 30,000 people with 2000 ballot papers. I hope your PRO will not be someone who only takes cobwebs from SRC noticeboards and knows nothing about public relations. Please let him know that he is not a propaganda Secretary. Brother Philemon, do you remember how some people did not want you to become the driver just because of where you come from? I do not want to glorify their idiocy but remember that they are still lurking around to see your downfall, so be as gentle as the dove but as smart as the serpent.
You can decide to take my long and complicated advice. You can call it nagging or the noisy words of an andropause ridden passenger, but don’t forget that after you are done with driving here, you will come out to drive and some of us might be owners of big transport companies and better Yutong and Metong buses. Let me leave you with these very dangerous sayings that ‘if you live in a glass house, do not walk about naked’. Also if you have cotton in your anus, do not attempt jumping over fire. Please I will alight here. See you up there.

Courage, the noisy passenger on board the KNUST SRC YUTONG BUS.